Got a cheap car insurance:

When I was new to driving - really not that many years ago - I used to think I could look after a car if I made a little effort. You know, change the oil every 1,000 miles, top up the various fluids, check the tyre treads, that sort of thing.

Now I know differently. The first time I took my pride and joy - which genuinely sounded fine to me - into the garage for an MOT, the greasy little bloke who works there nearly fell off his backside in shock.
"Yes sir, you'll need to replace both of those," he said, and "no, sir, it's not meant to sound like that" and then he called me back a week later and charged me 500 - that's more than my young driver car insurance premium. And, I guarantee you, it sounded exactly the same as before.
But you know what's especially galling about MOT time?
What really gets to me is knowing that while I, a sensible sort, a reader of instruction manuals, unfazed by flat-pack - a pretty competent human being by any standard - can't manage to keep a 1993 Fiat UN in a good enough state to stop my mechanic hyperventilating (let alone pass its MOT), there's a man in Hampshire who has built a road-legal sofa.
Perhaps you've seen it before. Edd China - that's the man who so totally puts my car maintenance record to shame - built the 'Casual Lofa' in 1998 out of old mini and reliant parts.
The 65bhp, leopard-skin upholstered couch seats three in the front. It does 0-60 in 22 seconds and, with a blistering top speed of 87mph, holds the current Guinness World Record for 'Fastest Furniture'.
If you want spare parts for this thing, you'll be better of in Sada than Hal fords. It has a steering wheel made from a pizza pan and a drinks can in place of the brake pedal. And the gear lever? It's a chocolate bar.
But in spite of this, the Casual Loaf is fully road-worthy. It passed its MOT. So did China's other creations: the 'Street Sleeper', a nightmarish union of VOW van chassis and Ducal four-poster bed; and the 'Bog Standard', a motorbike made out of a toilet.
But my Fiat, a car made exclusively out of car parts, with authentic steering wheel, pedals and gear stick, did not.
The vehicles in China's bizarre fleet are available for hire - just in case you fancy driving to work without getting out of bed one morning, or want to live out the ultimate couch-potato fantasy. Prices start from 250 for a one-way trip and go up to 1,500 for a full day's driving.
I can't tell if the hire prices include motor insurance, and it would take a better man than myself to venture a car insurance quote for a vehicle whose front indicators are hidden in ornamental plant pots (the Casual Loaf).
China hires them out through the company he founded in 1999, Comfy Banana, on the back of the success of the Casual Loaf, which he had been commissioned to build for a Raleigh International fundraiser held the previous year.
Realising the potential of what remains a unique service - "creating compelling and unique vehicles that draw attention, create a stir and make people smile" according to the Comfy website - China offered up his expertise to an eager client base of advertisers, promoters and eccentrics.
Recently, for example, he made a pair of model robotic lawnmowers for a company called Friendly Robotics, which, at 3.5:1 scale, were as big as Ford Fiestas.
The first 'Robomow' proved such a valuable advertising tool that Friendly MD Tim Mitchell just had to have another one:
"After the success of the first vehicle, I knew I had to have a second model," he said.They totally exceeded my expectations in terms of image and results."
Comfy Banana also boasts its own racing team, featuring wildly unusual cars, unbridled by the constraints of MOT tests and car insurance quotes. These include the Hell Bent Tent, 'Bloomin' Skid and Push Comes to Shrub - and they all pretty much defy description.
To see pictures of China's weird and wonderful creations, find out where he's taking them next or even hire one for your wedding (it does happen), visit the Comfy Banana